@A myALZteam Member. I don’t think it would be necessary if you are there with him, but you might want to write down the key points that would help staff in the first few days to get to know him. Otherwise you may get sick of repeating it to different staff on different shifts every day. You could give a copy to the admission nurse. Title it something like “Notes to help staff get to know (your husbands name) quicker. And also post a copy in his room. You may want to get some poster mounting tape that will peel off the wall easily so you can change from time to time. You could use that spot to post a new request, or you can use it to post a KUDOS TO ——— Who gives exceptional care”. Or something like that. Everyone likes to be recognized, so why not recognize them where everyone can see it. Kind of like the saying: “Praise in public, discipline/complain in private”. Or you might use that space to put up a note that says “Hope you’re having a Happy Day”. Or joke to make them laugh. They don’t have to be fancy, but you might have more people stopping in to see your “message of the week” Moving to a new place takes adjustment on both sides, so try to stay positive. Soon they will be enjoying you just like your friends on this site enjoy hearing from you. Wishing you the best. Keep in touch.

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A myALZte...

Thank you for your reply, it is very helpful as I have been feeling guilty and a failure that I couldn't keep him at home like I thought I could at first. The last few years have been rough with wandering, showering, toileting, combative behavior,etc. I know he couldn't help it, its a horrible disease but it was taking a toll on me too.

You are all giving great advice and YOU ARE DOING THE VERY BEST YOU CAN 👍. Last year i placed my spouse in a memory care facility that had been recommended. I took him out after 25 days and brought him home and hired home caregivers. He was too high functioning for the place and crying all the time. I kept him home until the following February when his wandering and symptoms worsened. I was blessed to find a small group home (6) specifically designed for dementia. Now he is safe and has adjusted very well. It is very expensive; $8000 per month and we had to agree to self pay for one year. Next January we will exhaust his 401k and pray he will be started on KS Medicaid, which the home will accept. He can stay there until death. The caregivers are awesome and provide excellent care and activities to keep them stimulated. Yes, I struggled with guilt and ongoing depression even after this transition. But with time I too have adjusted. We all have to make difficult decisions and each person knows what is best for their loved ones AND themselves. We have all been told to let go of guilt; easier said than done. But together and with help of support groups, we get through one day at a time. I miss my spouse so much, but he still knows me and we share loving moments. We do the best we can. And yes i am on medication that works for me. Give yourself grace.

Such good suggestions, @A myALZteam Member!

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A myALZte...

Muggsy, what a good idea to write out a paragraph about a loved one's needs. I have thought about doing that, but I wonder whether that would be necessary since we will be sharing a room in LTC.