Hi @A myALZteam Member
I completely understand how traumatic this is for you. I was the primary caregiver for my mom for 6yrs before we decided to place her in assisted living. She was desperately unhappy and sobbed every time I arrived for a visit. I sobbed every time I left...it was horrendous leaving her each time. A year down the line I discovered that she was being so neglected - she ended up with pneumonia in both lungs as she had been sleeping on a urine soaked bed with no duvet for 3 nights in the middle of winter!! She spent 2 weeks in hospital and I removed her from the care facility immediately and took her back to my home. She has been with me for almost 3yrs now and I unfortunately have fallen into the "carer not taking care of themselves" trap...so my siblings kind of pushed me into placing my mom into another assisted living establishment. I only hope and pray that this time will be different and will be a happier time for my mom! It is a really small home with only 12 residents which means my mom will get more individual attention.
I've shared this just to make you aware that there could be a deeper issue with your mom. If there is a valid reason for not wanting to be somewhere, remember that they cannot always express themselves or they forget on a conscious level but are aware somewhere in their spirit that something is not right.
Please don't misunderstand me - I'm not saying that there is abuse, but just be aware that there may be something in your mom's environment that is not right.
Our parents are at the mercy of "strangers" when they are placed in homes and we automatically assume that they will be safe and well cared for. We have to be vigilant!

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A myALZte...

Do not bring her home to stay. That gives her a way to escape with no wyes on her. My mom is also obsessed with leaving she packs regularly. She willforget unfortunately.

Have you thought of live in private caregiver at home with Pallative care or hospice?

Thank you. My mom does take part in some activities but reluctantly. According to staff, she waits by the window or paces in the lobby and says she is waiting for her daughter to come get her. There are four of us (siblings) and we have a visitation schedule. I dread going and have to keep visits short. She is relentless. Anxiety meds haven't helped but maybe she needs an increase. I'll get the book. Thanks for the recommendation.

The book "Creating Moments of Joy" by Jolene Brackey has some ideas on how to handle when our loved ones want to come home from a nursing home or assisted living. If you haven't read it, I recommend it.