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Explaining What Dementia Means.

A myALZteam Member asked a question 💭
Bellevue, WA

Should I try to explain to my LO what to expect down the road? Should the doctor do this? He knows he has poor memory, but doesn’t know what progression entails. He doesn’t know what I worry about. (He doesn’t believe he can’t drive anymore. I know this isn’t uncommon. ) Should he know that he will lose ability to care for himself, and eventually die from it?

November 1, 2023
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A myALZteam Member

I wouldn't. But I would get all needed legal documents completed before he becomes incompetent. What would be gained by telling him? To me it seems cruel. I believe in trying to preserve their self esteem. When my mother would remark that her memory wasn't what it used to be, I would just say we all forget sometimes.
The neurologist told my husband, but it never really registered with him. He never brought it up nor did I. We saw a lawyer to get our things in order while he was still able to comprehend what the lawyer was asking. He has never complained of his memory and now he is too demented to understand his memory is shot. I would not lie if he point blanke asked me but he never did.

This is just my opinion.
Rita M

November 1, 2023
A myALZteam Member

I agree with the others that there's nothing much to be gained, except to make him upset for now. My husband is a doctor, and he continues to be in denial, even though he's heard his diagnosis from both a Neurologist and a Neuropsychologist, in two separate meetings. Denial is self-protective. No one wants to have this, especially if they know what it is and what it leads to.
As @A myALZteam Member stated, telling some people can make them suicidal.
I just saw your update and am glad to see that your legal matters are in order!

November 2, 2023 (edited)
A myALZteam Member

Sorry…
Thanks Rita and Miko . That’s what I was feeling, too, but wasn’t sure . I’m sure he wouldn’t remember. I don’t want him depressed, too.
We got our papers in order in 2016, and he had trouble then. I just went back and re-did my will and POA’s so my kids can handle any decisions needing to be made for me.

November 2, 2023
A myALZteam Member

Three differnt doctors explained he can not drive . My husband got mad each time and never accepted it. I can not tell him what to expect on this disease, because my husband’s mental is very weak and can not take it and threathen us that he will kill himself . However I think it is better if they understand their disease and take right meds or therapy . As this disease progressed , they will no longer understand what they got anyway.

November 2, 2023
A myALZteam Member

I don't have an answer, but thanks for asking the question. I appreciate the experienced advice of others!

November 4, 2023

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