My experience with my husband started with placement in Respite Care for s long weekend. I was a wreck! However, he did just fine! Our daughter in law is director of nursing there so she made things happen. I sent some familiar things with him. Now, with the permanent move, he is doing very well! We have some meaningful pictures on the walls and the most significant thing that I did was to make a folder titled MEET DICK. I included some family history, interests, likes , dislikes, work and leisure background so caregivers could read it and know who he was. He is not very verbal now. I have received many comments on how helpful this was. Plus, it made me feel good to let them know how capable and productive he has been. I miss him being home with me but I was at the point where the care he needed was beyond my physical abilities.

I cannot imagine your frustration with your first choice! I am glad you have since found a suitable location. This is all so hard!

Thanks, everyone. I am gradually calming down. Laura seems to have accepted that this is where she is going to stay - at least she hasn't been asking me to take her home. She says she is happy. I am very lucky in that she has always been a very sweet and happy person and that hasn't changed. She has a lot of her familiar pictures and things in her section of the room and I visit her every day and bring her a little bit of 70% chocolate, which she loves. Yesterday, I picked her up in the morning and took her shopping with me at Costco, a short distance from her facility. There was no trouble bringing her back - she may ask a question but readily accepts my explanations. I am still working with the staff to get them to do certain tasks, such as plugging her cell phone in at night so it will be charged. I think it helps that I bring them a few pieces of chocolate as well when I appear.

Here's an update to my question above. I provided her doctor's response to all the questions they asked. They sent a nurse to interview her and determine the level of care she would need. I gave them a check for over $14,000 to reserve the room and for two months of room rental. As the room is unfurnished, I ordered a bed, mattress, blankets, towels, moved in two chairs, a bookcase, pictures for the walls, and so on to make the place comfortable and livable. She was due to move in on Monday a week ago. That Sunday before, she and I took over more personal items. That Sunday afternoon, the day before she was to move in, I got a call from the Executive Director saying that the corporate nurse noticed she had a CPAP machine and they do not take such residents. They had that information for two weeks and just now rejected her. To say I was livid is an understatement. I demanded a check for the full amount and said that they were responsible for moving everything we had there to the now facility I selected. I was able to get a room at our second choice, Sunrise at West Essex in Fairfield, NJ. He said he couldn't sign a check that large and would have to get corporate to do it. He also said he was having trouble getting a mover for that small a job (a small room moving about 8 miles). I e-mailed his boss and gave her the whole story. Two days later I got the check and the room contents were moved and set up properly. Last night I moved her to the new facility and all seems well at this point.
She spent an uneventful night and had a good breakfast this morning.
I am gradually calming down.

We moved my dad into AL in February. We set up all his furniture before he walked in on moving day in a familiar arrangement to his prior apartment. We had his familiar paintings already hung on the wall, his personal items where he'd like seeing them, etc. The environment therefore felt comfortable and familiar, I hope. My best to you.

@A myALZteam Member, the folder you made to introduce your husband to the staff is an excellent idea.

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