Hi Jen! There maybe one of a couple things happening (or a combination of them) and this is one of those subjects that may be hard to get answers for from your Mom. First, I’m sorry - this is one of the more difficult things to deal with as a caregiver - it feels embarrassing for everyone, may provoke anger if you try to talk about it with your Mom and can be difficult to find “the solution” that will work for a while. It could be that your Mom is confused at night about where the bathroom is - darkness can cause that confusion, as well as the fog that anyone has when they wake up, but that seems to take longer to dissipate in our loved ones with ALZ. Nightlights, leaving the the bathroom light on, or installing a motion detector so you or someone else can guide her to the bathroom might be helpful. It could also be that your Mom’s brain is losing the ability to recognize the signals that her bladder or bowels are sending to let her know she needs to go to the bathroom. In a person with a healthy brain, those signals are most likely different for night and day already, allowing the body to wait a bit longer during the night, while being more urgent during the day. If her brain can’t interpret the signals her body is sending, she just might not be able to get up soon enough. She may know she doesn’t want to go in the bed, so she gets up, but she can’t get to the bathroom in time. You might want to invest in absorbent pads, either disposable or washable, that you can put next to the bed to limit the mess to clean up. You might even look into getting a bedside commode (usually you can get a “prescription” for this kind of durable medical equipment from her PCP) that she might be willing to use. In my experience with my Mom, once she got to this stage, I was concerned about her getting out of bed without me being aware at all, let alone to go to the bathroom, and the motion detector was really helpful in getting to her in time to prevent some problems. I hope you are able to find a solution that works for you! Sending hugs and support!❤️

Glad I could help! My Mom passed away in January, so from the other side of this journey, I am not sure that there are “big turning points” that are consistent from person to person. The thing is, there are behavioral changes that seem really sudden, but mostly it was because I wasn’t paying attention to the little things that were changing along the way. And small changes that I felt like we both adjusted to easily turned out to be the beginning of a loss I wasn’t prepared for. As caregivers, we are constantly creating systems to manage the behaviors our loved ones are showing, and then having to adjust and adapt on a daily and weekly and monthly basis as those behaviors change or the systems stop meeting everyone’s needs. The bathroom stuff feels like a big deal because there are two aspects - the physical and logistical issues of the mess and struggle of the laundry and the impact of where you can go and how often to get to the bathroom, etc, etc. and then the emotional part. Boundaries get crossed that make both our loved ones and us have to deal with embarrassment and frustration and we try so hard to remember that we are doing this all out of love, but it is sometimes too much! My goal was always to focus on what I could manage in that day - spending time focusing on what could happen next or whether or not the worst was yet to come only led to more anxiety for me. My only advice is to try and stay in the here and now - make your Mom feel loved, calm and safe. ❤️

Thank you so much! Right now she’s living in a retirement community and we have recently added more caregiver help. Some neighbors found her wandering in the middle of the night so we are having someone spend the night with her. However 24/7 wil cost over 200,000 per year! So after these poop incidences I’m wondering if it’s time to look into memory care which I really don’t want to! They are so depressing! It has given me some relief that I have help now since I work full time and have my own family.

Wow! So helpful! Ordering more motion lights today!! Your mom entered this stage I see. From what I’ve read this is a big turning point in the disease, yes? Should I start preparing for the worse?