I am so sorry you are at this stage. My mother passed already but the incontinence issue is real. This is what currently works for me with my father at night.

I did remove all of his underwear and got the caregiver to stop putting them on him. She would actually find them and put them on. It was not helpful. Initially I got him some of the cuter dark gray ones for during the day. This kind of change is hard.

There are bed pads that are disposable and do not leak through. I put that on top of the fitted sheet. Then another disposable one that is more moisture absorbing on top. Sometimes that's the only one that gets wet. Then it's all about how much moisture can be absorbed. Super absorbent pull-ups with an additional insert are helpful at night. He's a back sleeper. Then a waterproof cover over that (actually I call them resistant because they don't seem to keep things from getting soaked). This is more about minimizing how much leaks out. Dry overnights are not the norm for him but they do happen. This makes the inevitable cleanup easier as I can change everything in one space, plus I don't have to change the sheets every day.

Only after a mild stroke my H used some ,, Just say Drs orders !!

I took all of my husband’s underwear out of his drawer and replaced them with depends. He had no choice and is fine with it.

Shirley, that could have backfired. He could have chose not to wear any. lol

Me too. Bedtime is one of the hardest times in our house - persuading Ian to come upstairs, to brush teeth, lie on the bed in the right direction .... can take over half an hour. I have given up on changing clothes for bed and if I am very lucky I am able to persuade him to put a new pad /Depend on! If not .... you can imagine!